Santa Claus (Kris Kringle)
Santa Claus (Name originally Kris Kringle)
Mrs. Claus (First name Jessica; friends are known to call her Mary Christmas.)
Children – Those of the entire world who call themselves “children” and still believe.
Political persuasion – A true Independent.
Candidates.vote – First let me tell you thank you Santa Claus for giving the time to interview you just a couple of weeks before you take off for Christmas Eve 2018. This is no doubt the most important interview I’ve ever been able to score for Candidates.vote . You’re time sitting down with me as one of the great world leaders could only be matched if I could catch up with the Grinch.
Santa Claus – Okay Caras. Save the buttering up for a good Buttered Rum on Christmas Eve – not for you but mine when I come by your place. Remember; doesn’t matter how old you are. If you’ve been naughty or nice the amount of kissing up you do with me doesn’t have a thing to do with what you’re going to end up getting for Christmas. And as for you; just be glad you’ve got a few more days that could see some extra packages find thier way into the sleigh for you.
Candidates.vote – You seem to be one of, if not the most, popular guys on earth Santa. There are a lot of people who wonder why you don’t jump into politics and run for office. Seems like you would have a slam dunk going on in your favor.
Santa Claus – Being as in most countries you have to be at least 18 years old to vote. My base of support really ranges in the five to eight year old range so it’s pretty much a no go there. As for if we were to get me in some precinct where I was on the ballot for those older voters; well… I’m always going to run into the kids who didn’t get those ponies or the Barbie Dream House they wanted. And let’s not get into Ralphie and the Red Ryder BB gun he wanted. I’m sure he’d be one of the first to head up the “Vote No Santa Claus” movement.
I would make a good one to appoint maybe Secretary of Transportation or even Secretary of State.
Candidates.vote – Okay. Speaking of politics so to speak. Do you get wishes for Christmas with a political bent to them?
Santa Claus – What you mean is this… Have I ever had a kid sit on my lap and whisper into my ear they want to be the President of the United States of America, or Mexico, Britain, Australia, maybe even Russia. Answer to every one of them is “Yes”, there are kids – and adults – who think I can make it happen.
So this year a lot of girls and boys of all ages are going to be getting their very own domain name through dot.Vote . Been keeping those guys busy now for weeks, especially since the midterms. Heck, I’ve finally even got my Santa.vote . Can’t wait to use it on some fun contest with the elves. Important thing for me is I OWN my very own name! No one can take it from me and use it for the wrong thing or thingsl
Candidates.vote – What book might we find on your nightstand right now Santa Claus?
Santa Claus – All of them! Yes, every book that’s been asked for that you can find on best seller lists for kids of all ages has got to be proofed by someone! Let’s see there’s “I Wish You More”, “Before We Were Yours”, “A Child’s First Book of Trump”, “365 Days of Art,” “I Need a New Butt”, “Past Tense”, “Catching Christmas”, “The Beautiful Poetry of Donald Trump”, “Get Out of Your Own Way”, “Throw Out Fifty Things”, “When Things Fall Apart”, “Getting Back to Happy”, “The Alchemist”, “Mind Hacking, How to Change Your Mind for Good in 21 Days”.
Mrs. Claus will help me mainly with the cook books and a lot of the children’s books, but I like to make sure I take a read of all the ones going to the adults. Especially since they are the ones who are raising the children. I’ve got to make sure something I don’t agree with gets slipped in there for the little ones.
Candidates.vote – How in the world do you have time to get all of those books read, approved and then in the sleigh Santa Claus.
Yes, he does hold his little round belly on this one (It’s not quite the bowl full of jelly it used to be, ever since Mrs. Claus put him on the annual diet.), and gives the “Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho”, response – that luckily will never change.
Santa Claus – Clark. That’s just like asking how it is I’m able to get to every country, every corner of the world, and down the chimneys and into the huts, hotels, apartments and condos I do all in one night! It’s magic my boy. Just plain and simple magic. Plus, that Evelyn Wood speed reading program Mrs. Claus gave me back in 1975 has always been a good help with the books.
Candidates.vote – Everyone has some different things they know about you Santa Claus, but we wanted to ask you a few things we thought might surprise them and help to get to know you a bit better in this digital world?
Speaking of digital. You give millions of them as gift requests we’re sure, but how about you Santa; do you wear some kind of fit bit? It’d be a kick to know just how many steps/miles Santa Claus gets in on Christmas Eve.
Santa Claus – You caught the jest of it when you said “mind blowing”. Elves thought it would be fun to know too, just so they could tell Mrs. Claus whether I needed to cut back on the milk and cookies. But the “blowing” was just it. Blew up the first Christmas Eve I tried it. Wasn’t even done with Japan yet and as I was trying to tip toe quietly back to the sleigh “Ka-boom”, almost blew my white glove right off. Scare the heck out of the family in the house and the fire brigade’s sirens were on the way.
Seems that fit bit just couldn’t take the number of steps I was taking all over the world, as fast as I was taking them, and didn’t know how to calculate just how to count the trips down the chimney and the spurts in the sleigh.
Candidates.vote – So can you share with us Santa Claus the world leaders who might just be getting a lump of coal this year?
Santa Claus – That one is strictly confidential with kids and the adults too – although I usually talk to the children’s parents so they know why and always have a bit of a consolation gift in the wings. It’s the same way with adults, although I can promise you I put adult’s lumps of coal in places where there’s no doubt they’re going to bump into them. In fact, there will be a few this year who are going to find their lumps in places where as Mr. Potato Head has been getting a kick out of saying, “It’s going to be where the sun don’t shine!”
I’ve been around long enough and seen enough in this sometimes harsh world, to see adults who can end up hurting the children on my lists. And I decided a long time ago to give those types of adults and leaders of countries a kick in the pants if it was deserved. Then, I leave it up to the adults of the world to be smart enough to figure out how to put a stop to it completely.
Candidates.vote – We ask everyone this question Santa Claus. Are you a hamburger kind of guy or cheeseburger?
Santa Claus – Neither! Have always been and always will be a cookies and milk guy! And no, I don’t eat them all by myself or in the one night of Christmas Eve either. If I did that I wouldn’t be able to waddle around the entire world by about America’s east coast.
No. That’s the answer to the riddle as why the bag in my sleigh never looks empty. Sure I eat lots of the cookies, but then I share a lot with the reindeer (Everyone thinks they need to feed carrots, hay or oats – NO WAY!!! Reindeer, at least mine, like cookies too and in fact use them as part of the magic fuel making them fly!) The rest of the cookies I eventually can’t eat start getting put in plastic seal bags and put in my bag to taken home to the elves – thus, my bag is always going to look full.
Candidates.vote – You really can’t be serious Santa Claus. You mean those cookies I left for you on the plate on Christmas Eve might have gotten scooped up and taken back to the North Pole for elves?! I made them with mom though for you!!!
Santa Claus – Oh Clark, don’t worry they still went to me. And I always ate yours and I’ll prove it. You always gave me sugar cookies that were cut out like the sheep out in the corrals on your family’s farm backyard (He said, as my head began to bob up and down signaling yes.)
How do you think I can get those elves to work for me all year long though making what everyone wants for the coming year? It’s not money! They want those cookies from around the world all year long.
Candidates.vote – You going to have any surprises up you sleeve for us this year Santa Claus when it comes to Christmas Eve?
Santa Claus – Funny you should ask that one. I’m getting sick and tired of those guys from NORAD sharing my coordinates with everyone because it makes things hard to surprise anyone. And now I’ve got the Grinch back in my life again I have to do some things to outsmart him so he’ll leave all the Who’s in Whoville alone along with you real time humans too.
I’ve been giving it some thought for a long time now, but this might be the perfect year for doing it. Get this one. Santa doesn’t start his trip from the North Pole this Christmas Eve. Nope. This year I switch and start from the South Pole!!! Talk about driving those guys from NORAD bonkers along with the Grinch too!!!
This could be the year. You just wait and see.
Candidates.vote – One more question Santa Claus. This one is kind of personal to me and involves the red Radio Flyer I was supposed to have gotten when I was in about Third Grade…
Santa Claus – Did you hear that cell phone ringing? There is goes again and Rudolph’s nose has started blinking… that’s the signal the call is from Mrs. Claus. Sorry but I’ve got to run. See you on Christmas Eve. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good fit bit score!